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World of Warcraft Poetry

Usually I don’t post gigs that work on a promise of payment, but this one is just too much fun:

World of Warcraft Poetry

Too much springs to mind here.

Two roads diverged in Duskwood
And sorry I could not travel both
But being five travelers, long we stood
And looked down one as far as we could
To ferns and jungle overgrowth…

Feel free to add your version to the comments.

Fun Contest over at Copyblogger

You will want to check out this contest:

All kinds of good fun and the chance to win a MacBook Air (!) from the generous and most holy people over at Copyblogger.  If they aren’t on your RSS Feed yet, you’ll want to put them there.  Gods among mortals.

How to Be a Freelance Douche in 5 Easy Steps

1.  Dispense Advice to People With Zero Experience

A lot of people think that the Internet makes them instant experts.  It doesn’t.  Years of working in a profession or studying in a school does.  Don’t call yourself an expert on anything because you’ve read a Wikipedia article on it.  People will find out and they will hate you.

2.  Give Tips on “Getting Around” People

One oft-repeated phrase I heard in the theatre industry was that you met the same people on the way down that you stepped on while you were on your way up.  This is applicable across all professions.  If you are trying to “get around” a person for any other reason but their proven incompetence, you’re pulling a dick move and while karma may not exist, the memories of the people that you screwed are long.

3.  Use Illnesses to Garner Sympathy

Most freelance writers are there for a reason, whether it is through sheer talent, not being able to deal with an office environment, or a serious illness.  People with a serious illness never play that card unless they really have to.  For example, they are in the hospital and are having their family members phone their clients because they are that ill. Chances are good that you bid against a lady with breast cancer on chemo to get that job – don’t use the flu as an excuse for being late.

4.  Get Stale on a Long-Term Gig

Nothing bothers your clients like a quality slide.  We’ve all done this.  You get so used to a job that doing it comes to you like clockwork; the only problem is that it feels this way to your readers after a while as well.  Switch up your stuff now and then by changing your voice, introducing some new twists and generally keeping it real.  The longer term the gig the more effort you should put into it.

5.  Outsource without Telling

Probably the biggest douche move that you could pull as a freelance writer is to outsource your work without telling your clients.  The right answer when you have too much work, always, is to call each of your clients and discuss how you can best schedule your deadlines.  You may find that some of them are not as time-sensitive as you think and will understand if you have one client that needs something done right now.  Just make sure that you go the extra mile for the clients that cut you the necessary slack.

Essay Agencies – Consider Yourself Served.

I just found an ad for an essay writing service that claimed that it was operating “on campus” of a major Canadian university.  I immediately reported it to the university.

As you can see from my views in the tab above on why I won’t take or post essay jobs, I do not agree with the practice of purchasing or writing essays for university students who are too lazy to do it themselves.  I had to write all of my own essays on a full-time courseload while holding down a part-time job, so I feel that everyone else should too.  I guess I’m just a little bitter that way.

This is a notice – if you are an essay agency and I see you advertising that you operate on or near or for the students of any particular University, I will report you to that University immediately on seeing your ad.  I will also cut and paste your ad into my e-mail so that you can’t simply just erase the listing.  In other words, I am actively trying to completely screw you up.  Of course it will be up to the University to take action, but I’m betting that most of them will.  I cruise all major Canadian job boards for ads for writers every day – so I won’t miss it.  Good luck to you – you’re going to need it.

Ireland Tax Free For Writers

This may not be in keeping with the patriotic nature of this site, but I just had to tell everyone – writers in Ireland live tax free!!

Yes, the home of James Joyce, Guiness, and Boxty also does not charge you any tax to be a writer.  Unless you make over 250,000 euros a year doing so.  Quite frankly, if I am making half a million dollars a year, I don’t mind sharing so much with the politicians.

Realistically, writers living in Canada probably make on average about $35,000 to $60,000 per year, with most falling in the lower end of that bracket.  Then we have our tax rate which readily shaves a bunch off of that, even with the writeoffs that we enjoy having our own businesses in Canada.

What I am saying is, you could emigrate to Ireland and thereby automatically give yourself a raise of thousands of dollars per year.  Personally, I would probably end up spending those thousands of dollars flying back to see my family a couple of times a year, so it wouldn’t be worth it.  But for younger writers starting out – is this such a bad option?  I think not…